Friday, July 30, 2010
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Forks in the Road
I guess I'm wondering what, if anything to do, or think. DH is off his rocker again.. it's usually triggered by one of two things. A 'friend', who's an ex, or his old work. This time it's the 'friend'. DH starts getting nasty, and belligerent. This time he scared my mom, and my cousin (and she's pretty hard-boiled). His bluster doesn't bother me much anymore... I'm just so tired of it, and the insults and curses that accompany it. I've spent several days, as it built up, thinking and wondering... I think at times it'd be best for the family to be shod of him, but at the same time, when he's got his knickers on straight, he's wonderful. I DO love him. I feel as if I'm not what he wants, and wasn't from the beginning. He makes me feel like everyone would be better off if I didn't even exist. But other times, ok, when he's on his rocker right, he fills the world, and makes things right to me... ARGHHHHHHH. Frustration. I think I need a giant bottle of Xanax, and one of Valium... that might help a little. Either that, or I'd end the problem of my existence, lol!
Well, back I go to cleaning. I'm tired as hell, been up all night, but DD has bday today, so does cousin's son. Having a two-fer party today. I know myself, and I just DON'T wake up, so I just stayed up. Right now, esp. after all the drama, and since I STILL don't know where DH is, I'm weary thru the bone and out the other side. I didn't mention that... after his big blow-up last night, he did one of his walking off disappearing acts. I know he's been cruising the ads on CL, but hell, I go thru them to read the weird shit. Somehow I doubt that's all he's doing. Anyway, I have looked for him thrice now, the last time with DS4, cause he woke up at 5a looking for my DH. Poor fella helped me organized about a hundred cans of vegetables and such!
Gotta get up and moving, or I'll be asleep sitting here! Wouldn't be the first time I've drooled all over my keyboard.
Well, back I go to cleaning. I'm tired as hell, been up all night, but DD has bday today, so does cousin's son. Having a two-fer party today. I know myself, and I just DON'T wake up, so I just stayed up. Right now, esp. after all the drama, and since I STILL don't know where DH is, I'm weary thru the bone and out the other side. I didn't mention that... after his big blow-up last night, he did one of his walking off disappearing acts. I know he's been cruising the ads on CL, but hell, I go thru them to read the weird shit. Somehow I doubt that's all he's doing. Anyway, I have looked for him thrice now, the last time with DS4, cause he woke up at 5a looking for my DH. Poor fella helped me organized about a hundred cans of vegetables and such!
Gotta get up and moving, or I'll be asleep sitting here! Wouldn't be the first time I've drooled all over my keyboard.
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